If you take control over those things you can, you are better able to negotiate the unexpected, Judy Sheindlin
Seldom do we take the time to self-reflect and explore our emotional well-being during or after an unexpected change. Yet, prioritising self-awareness and self-leadership might be a game-changer for our well-being as we go through the process from distress to adaptation.
One thing is for sure: any change is a transition, and the coping mechanisms are unique.
Also, change, especially an unexpected one (sickness, death, loss of employment, change of residence, a new baby), is as significant as we may perceive it to be. Therefore, there is always a degree of grief for what is about to be lost. And as in grief, sometimes we may feel numb and confused, even in disbelief. Other moments, desperate to stop time and beat ourselves up or others for the unexpected change. We often feel stuck rationalising the idea to move forward, and on some other days, we feel relieved and curious about what’s coming next.
A few years ago I experienced the unexpected change of moving out of my place of residence. My family and I didn’t plan the change or see it coming. Therefore, plenty of new actions, decisions, emotions, and thoughts appeared on our radar from one day to another. Looking back, I can see the most challenging thing for me during that time was to reconcile the idea of “what just happened?” Several decisions had to be made quickly while my thoughts kept ruminating on my attachments.
Every day, I found myself with two choices. Either way, get stuck in a ruminating thought cycle. I separate myself from questioning my thoughts, make contact with my feelings, and visualise possibilities. A giant judge who had a hard time getting back to reality. Or the choice to attend to my feelings, share my thoughts, and be willing to express gratitude for past experiences and new ones to come. So here I am to share with you how I managed my wellbeing while managing the multiple changes that followed the unexpected change.
Imagine what could have changed if my beliefs around unexpected changes were different. Instead of looking at them as punishment, they could be more of a gift. Suppose that I would experience the unexpected at the moment as part of the contract I signed before birth. Is that even possible? What about if I signed it to have the experience to help me learn more about myself? Perhaps the transition between before and after will connect me to my spiritual side, intuition, life purpose, connection to others, understanding of others, self-leadership, and place in the larger scheme of things.
Such an idea allowed me somehow to retake the command I felt lost. It made me consider that unexpected changes help humans build perspective by managing challenges one at a time and supporting decision-making and emotional intelligence to overcome adversity. In addition, the shift in perception opened the door for self-inquiry. For example, I could interpret that anger, disappointment, and pain expressed how deeply I loved, enjoyed, and got attached to my previous happiness. In that sense, it also allowed me to see that if I built that happiness before, I would do it again somewhere else. So, did the challenge prepare me to stretch even when the transition period felt sometimes unfair and uncomfortable? Sure, it did.
I can tell you this. It was easy to search for a safety net for distraction, engaging on social media, TV shows, and work overload for some time. Still, these actions did not allow me to complete the changing cycle, which caused the emotional turmoil I felt inside. So, once I was permitted to feel it all—grief, resentment, anger, sadness, and melancholy— But also, experiencing a sense of awe, serenity, possibility, playfulness, and agency allowed me to flow with the change. Unexpected changes are part of life, whether we like it or not.
Sometimes we can feel very excited, and sometimes we can feel immense sorrow. However, we are the movie directors of our lives. At any moment, we decide if it is drama, a sitcom, or an inspiring documentary. We have the choice of how to perceive the unexpected change, experience it, and store the memory of it in our spirit, mind, and body.
Below are a few actions that got me through the unexpected. See if they can help you or anyone you know who has had a similar experience.
Give yourself time to reflect, but not too much until you get to the point of rumination. Practice grounding techniques. Walk in nature, pray, meditate, and ask for guidance and understanding.
Listen to your body, to your intuition, and to your feelings and thoughts. I believe rage, disappointment, and pain are just expressions of how deeply we loved, enjoyed, and got attached to our previous happiness. Then it is a waste of time to judge ourselves and declare that what is happening is not important.
Talk about it. Let people know what’s happened to you. You feel less isolated in your grief by sharing your emotions with others.
Express gratitude for what you are leaving behind and what you are about to experience. Recall your memories. The ones that empower you and fill you with joy, love, and hope. They are there to experience them all over again, anywhere, anytime.
Visualise your future to construct your present as you want it to be. Some people call it faith; others call it setting intentional goals.
Coach yourself. Be curious, and ask a lot of questions. Get open to exploring your answers. Let the following question help you move forward. Is there anything inspiring about this new prominent change in my life?
If you are already there, embrace the growth.
For more reflections on my experience living abroad, my work on self-awareness, and my perspective on career transitions, follow me on:
Article written by Edith Escobedo
Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash
Thanks for sharing your time with me!
Edith
Comments